Full Time Growth

August 18, 2019

 

It's been a minute since my last post, but I swear I'm still alive and working towards the same goals. A lot has happened over the last two years, mainly a lot of personal growth. It's so easy to bypass that as you hit other milestones in life, but then you'll look back on it to see it was a milestone in itself. I was hard on myself during this time, thinking I wasn't progressing much, living a stagnant life, but growth happens in so many different ways, I couldn't quite pin point it at the time. 

 

At the beginning of 2019 I decided to leave the safety net of a part time job to pursue freelancing full time. Before this, I was still freelancing now and then, but kept prioritizing the stability of a mundane career since it seemed much too risky to actually go out on a limb for what I love to do. 

 

Everything immediately fell into place (while still stressing over the fluctuating pay checks) and doing this full time didn't feel too new or exciting, it felt like a long time coming - a breath of fresh air. 

 

Fast forward to today, I've moved back to Minnesota, where I grew up. It's a renewed love for the state, as moving away made it clear what I had taken for granted for so long. The culture, the friendly people, the diversity, not to mention all of the water and lush green forests. Arizona was dry with its harsh sun, but it forced me to grow and adapt, in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. Now it's time to take the last few years exploring different lifestyles and creeping my way into adulthood, to the test. 

 

I was scared - scared of the unknown that came with freelancing across the country. Sure I had grown up here, but everyone else had grown up and apart. The same people I once knew, might as well be strangers passing by on the street. It's bittersweet. The days of a creative teenage family coming together in the woods every weekend to build off of each other were now only in memories. Everyone now has other responsibilities, children, new cities to grow themselves in. 

 

So many things molded me here as a child, all of which were squashed as I worked to fit into the lifestyles of LA and Phoenix. So many things I had forgotten that inspired me, only to come back and have them still be here, still with open arms. These things have blossomed out of me again, but in a renewed sense. Not like my life before, but rooting yet again into the same soil that had fostered my creativity - but with new seeds.

 

It feels so right, so effortless - while at the same time being frozen in fear for having to forge my own path. There is no ABC plan to follow, no right or wrong. There is me, our new family that is growing each day, and there is my stubbornness that turned into determination to build the life for us that we want. I am my own support, my own mentor.

 

The same Jillian that was excited running around on the new California beaches is still here. She hasn't been dimmed, but she's now met with level headedness and strength, because I will need every part of myself in order to create this life of mine. 

 

 

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